I know what it is, he says, but I’ll ask you all the questions, anyway – there’ll be a million and one of them …
We race through them – yes, no, no, no, nothing, no, yes, no, nope, nope …
He looks me straight in the eyes.
It’s degenerative.
My heart sinks.
It’s to do with ageing.
I feel the blow somewhere between my heart and throat chakras.
I try not to cry (he is a no bullshit kinda guy.)
Some reassurance – it’s perfectly normal and we can make a difference to it.
We can’t cure it (you’ll keep ageing) but we can help it get better (it will take practice.)
I’m ageing?! It’s to do with my age? Really? But I’m not old. I’ve barely turned seventeen forty-two.
You are in early middle age (he seems obsessed with this – is my grey hair misleading him in some way?)
A few more tests and he gives me his diagnosis.
You have a stiff back!
Oh, FFS – all of this pain. All of these symptoms. All of this strangeness. All of this time!
All from a stiff back (inflamed and agitated nerves!)
It isn’t neurological. My muscles and my nerves are working properly. It’s not carpal tunnel or thoracic outlet syndrome. I have nothing medically wrong with me.
Do you know what a relief that is?
The truth is, I have piss-poor posture (can you believe it? I’m almost embarrassed.)
Left untreated, mismanaged and mis-diagnosed, the symptoms have been gathering pace, gaining strength, overpowering my wellness.
We can make it go away (most of it, hopefully.) With posture management and simple exercises.
Through awareness and being mindful, I can ‘fix’ it. It’s within my control.
He will help me deal with the physical.
He’ll let me work on my internal body wisdom.
And I will learn how to age with confidence and wellness.
By the way, how are you sitting right now? Could you use a wee adjustment?
–ooOOOoo—
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About the image
You can download the image for non-commercial use, please remember to attribute it to Julie Gibbons.
